Ever wonder why life is filled with such difficult challenges? I sure do! I know people often say, "It builds character." My reply....I have enough character, thank you! If I don't try to chuckle I'll cry.
My heart is filled with doubt and trouble, and I actually trembled today when I was imagining the worse. I can't discuss it, I can't ask questions, I have to just stuff it all down. I don't do that very well, but I'm trying.
How many times did I say the Serenity prayer today? I lost track.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Monday, December 15, 2008
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Struggling Stress
EGADS! I hate stress, the negative sort. I'm really having a difficult time right now, and having an even more difficult time figuring out how to deal with it.
My basic beliefs are being challenged by someone I love very much. I'm teary, and sad, and just don't know how I'm managing to put one foot in front of the other.
My basic beliefs are being challenged by someone I love very much. I'm teary, and sad, and just don't know how I'm managing to put one foot in front of the other.
HP Magic Give Away
The hardware is listed here.
What an awesome contest this is. Thanks to HP and Microsoft Windows for coming up with the idea and the goodies.
Thanks and congratulations to Living-In Theory for the opportunity to be one of the 50 Santa Angels!
Pay it Forward. Wouldn't this be a wonderful world if everyone subscribed to that belief?
I don't need any of the products. I'm happy with my computer, it serves my needs and wants. To decide what to do with the prizes, if I were to win, poses challenges. There are so many deserving agencies and people.
A little about me to begin; I was a single mom raising two sons without any help or assistance from their biological father (my ex-husband). It was a struggle, as I'm certain many people can relate to! Dinners were made of macaroni-and-cheese, tuna casserole, sandwiches, and the like. We shopped at bargain places for school clothes for attendance at a school with a majority of wealthy families.
But, we were the Three Of Us Against The World. Other than my job, my boys were my life! I remember one Christmas, when there were no real presents, my youngest son spent most of the night wrapping old boxes so when I woke in the morning it would look like Santa had come. This was in response to a comment I made about how there is still a little part of me who wakes up every Christmas morning thinking maybe there really is a Santa Claus and there will be more presents than the ones I left out. Boy, did I shed the tears that morning!! Now, on with my entry.
My first choice would be to donate the HP Pavilion and HP TouchSmart to the non-profit agency I work for. We are in such dire financial straits. We've had several lay-offs, and have not been able to serve as many of the disabled people in our community as previously. It's heartbreaking to see the empty offices and fewer participants. We do wonderful work, and it's sad to not be able to provide the amount of services we have previously.
The HP Premium Notebook and Media Smart Connect I would give to my oldest son, as he needs about $20,000 worth of dental work done and has no dental insurance. I would hope he would sell them to obtain the much needed cash.
The Mini Laptop and Printer I would give to my youngest son, who is not in as dire need, but lives day to day wondering if his job will be lost due to the economy. The laptop and printer would serve his needs for additional job hunting to keep him on his feet.
The software would go to my step-daughter to assist her with job searches (for a resume) and sharing photos of her beautiful little girls with family members thousands of miles away.
I realize I probably don't have much of a chance to win, as my choices have self-interest. I cannot help but want to help the agency where I work, and I cannot help but want to help my children. As a parent, it is heartbreaking to see your children struggle and suffer through no fault of their own.
The vast majority of my adult life has been in the non-profit sector. There is no way to describe the wonderful feeling from doing for others. Would I love to win and provide some assistance to the agency I work for and my children? Absolutely! It would do my soul wonders to be able to help my kids, as it was such a struggle for them growing up. They deserve better than what life has doled out to them. I am grateful my boys are working, and my oldest son and his wife are expecting their first child later this winter. I am grateful my two granddaughters are being raised by a wonderful mom and dad, who need just a little more help to make ends meet.
If nothing else, maybe someone will find my blog, and hopefully I'll post with some regularity.
To read some really great posts from other contestants, check out Living-In Theroy's comment page for other listings.
What an awesome contest this is. Thanks to HP and Microsoft Windows for coming up with the idea and the goodies.
Thanks and congratulations to Living-In Theory for the opportunity to be one of the 50 Santa Angels!
Pay it Forward. Wouldn't this be a wonderful world if everyone subscribed to that belief?
I don't need any of the products. I'm happy with my computer, it serves my needs and wants. To decide what to do with the prizes, if I were to win, poses challenges. There are so many deserving agencies and people.
A little about me to begin; I was a single mom raising two sons without any help or assistance from their biological father (my ex-husband). It was a struggle, as I'm certain many people can relate to! Dinners were made of macaroni-and-cheese, tuna casserole, sandwiches, and the like. We shopped at bargain places for school clothes for attendance at a school with a majority of wealthy families.
But, we were the Three Of Us Against The World. Other than my job, my boys were my life! I remember one Christmas, when there were no real presents, my youngest son spent most of the night wrapping old boxes so when I woke in the morning it would look like Santa had come. This was in response to a comment I made about how there is still a little part of me who wakes up every Christmas morning thinking maybe there really is a Santa Claus and there will be more presents than the ones I left out. Boy, did I shed the tears that morning!! Now, on with my entry.
My first choice would be to donate the HP Pavilion and HP TouchSmart to the non-profit agency I work for. We are in such dire financial straits. We've had several lay-offs, and have not been able to serve as many of the disabled people in our community as previously. It's heartbreaking to see the empty offices and fewer participants. We do wonderful work, and it's sad to not be able to provide the amount of services we have previously.
The HP Premium Notebook and Media Smart Connect I would give to my oldest son, as he needs about $20,000 worth of dental work done and has no dental insurance. I would hope he would sell them to obtain the much needed cash.
The Mini Laptop and Printer I would give to my youngest son, who is not in as dire need, but lives day to day wondering if his job will be lost due to the economy. The laptop and printer would serve his needs for additional job hunting to keep him on his feet.
The software would go to my step-daughter to assist her with job searches (for a resume) and sharing photos of her beautiful little girls with family members thousands of miles away.
I realize I probably don't have much of a chance to win, as my choices have self-interest. I cannot help but want to help the agency where I work, and I cannot help but want to help my children. As a parent, it is heartbreaking to see your children struggle and suffer through no fault of their own.
The vast majority of my adult life has been in the non-profit sector. There is no way to describe the wonderful feeling from doing for others. Would I love to win and provide some assistance to the agency I work for and my children? Absolutely! It would do my soul wonders to be able to help my kids, as it was such a struggle for them growing up. They deserve better than what life has doled out to them. I am grateful my boys are working, and my oldest son and his wife are expecting their first child later this winter. I am grateful my two granddaughters are being raised by a wonderful mom and dad, who need just a little more help to make ends meet.
If nothing else, maybe someone will find my blog, and hopefully I'll post with some regularity.
To read some really great posts from other contestants, check out Living-In Theroy's comment page for other listings.
Monday, December 08, 2008
Sunday, November 09, 2008
Thursday, November 06, 2008
Now That It's Over
Now that the election is over, I just wanted to share some of my feelings.
I have a difficult time putting into words how strongly I felt about electing Barack Obama. I have to go back to when I was a little girl, and watched much of the Civil Rights struggles on TV. I can remember watching news reports of people being blasted with fire hoses. I remember seeing images of big white men standing in schoolhouse doorways blocking black students from entering. I couldn't understand how one person could treat another person in that way. Those images had a profound impact on me.
I grew up in the north. I went to an all white school. My parents worked with people of color, and there were times we would have company picnics and I would play with the other children. I never thought anything about it. They were just other kids.
As I grew older I began hearing things people would say. I am horrified to recall my dad saying nasty things, and I would often stand up to him about it. To his credit, he encouraged my thinking for myself.
The summer between 9th and 10th grade, a family from Mexico moved into the neighborhood across the street from my high school. One would have thought the world was coming to an end! Parents were up in arms. Some of the kids were terrified to think they would have to be in class with one of "those" kids. Many of us thought nothing of it. In fact, the kids in that family became very popular. I tended to be one of the quiet ones, and I watched how others behaved and listened to what they said.
In my senior year we had a class called American Problems. It was a great class, and the teacher encouraged us to think. Just before Thanksgiving break, he gave us an assignment in class; make a list of the 5 things we were most grateful for. My answers were pretty common as I recall, along the lines of family. Quite a few kids actually wrote "I am thankful I am white." That astonished me. I had not included in my identity the fact that I am white. It just wasn't part of my concept. A wonderful discussion ensued in class about racial issues. I began thinking more about the topic again, remembering the images I saw as a young girl.
When I went to college I made friends with a widely diverse group. I was a complete flower child, full of hope for the future, protesting the war, demanding an end to nuclear weapons, demanding equal rights for women, demanding justice for everyone, and making friends with people quite different from those I had been associated with in high school. I read voraciously and watched the news every night. One of my best friends was a black student, a male black student. When my dad found out he hit the roof. I found that very disturbing, yet I loved my dad and didn't want to disappoint him. My friend understood that our friendship had to remain a classroom friendship. We didn't associate outside the classroom, not even in the student union. As I look back on that, I feel ashamed. He was my friend, and I feel as though I abandoned his friendship. (And when I say friend, I do mean FRIEND.....nothing else----I shouldn't even need to say that, but I know that some of you reading this will wonder!) (and why should that even matter to me???)
As time went on I became more vocal about my outlook on the world. I stood up more for my beliefs. I would debate more. (and I was EXTREMELY shy!) I more fully developed my belief that all of us, every single person on this planet, is deserving of respect just for being a human being. We all are born, we breathe, we bleed, we hurt, we feel, we cry, we laugh, we get angry, we get sad, we get happy, we love, we are all the same...............yet we are also so very different, unique. I believe that just by virtue of being alive we deserve shelter, food, water, clothing, health care.....all those things that keep us alive. Is that radical? If so, then call me a radical. I no longer care what labels others put on me. That's one of the wonderful things about aging.
The election of Barack Obama means so many things to me. I never thought I would see the day when a black person was elected to be president of the United States. I voted for him in the primary. People I love told me, "he'll never win because he's black. America isn't ready for a black president." I kept saying yes we can and yes we are. I saw in him the hope I felt with Bobby Kennedy and Dr. Martin Luther King. I saw in him a strength and leadership that doesn't come along very often. I saw an intelligence that was beyond that of most anyone I can think of.
I would get emails from people full of the hate-mongering and fear-mongering permeating our country. I would usually respond back with factual information, and implore them to seek out the truth. It probably didn't do any good, but I felt better for doing it.
When the announcement came Tuesday night that Barack Obama won, I was so full of joy and pride. I was happy my candidate won (which hasn't happened often!), but I was happier that our country got past the racial barrier! What a glorious time to be alive!
And I still, to this day, do not have as part of my concept of myself the fact that I am white. I don't consider it important.
I have a difficult time putting into words how strongly I felt about electing Barack Obama. I have to go back to when I was a little girl, and watched much of the Civil Rights struggles on TV. I can remember watching news reports of people being blasted with fire hoses. I remember seeing images of big white men standing in schoolhouse doorways blocking black students from entering. I couldn't understand how one person could treat another person in that way. Those images had a profound impact on me.
I grew up in the north. I went to an all white school. My parents worked with people of color, and there were times we would have company picnics and I would play with the other children. I never thought anything about it. They were just other kids.
As I grew older I began hearing things people would say. I am horrified to recall my dad saying nasty things, and I would often stand up to him about it. To his credit, he encouraged my thinking for myself.
The summer between 9th and 10th grade, a family from Mexico moved into the neighborhood across the street from my high school. One would have thought the world was coming to an end! Parents were up in arms. Some of the kids were terrified to think they would have to be in class with one of "those" kids. Many of us thought nothing of it. In fact, the kids in that family became very popular. I tended to be one of the quiet ones, and I watched how others behaved and listened to what they said.
In my senior year we had a class called American Problems. It was a great class, and the teacher encouraged us to think. Just before Thanksgiving break, he gave us an assignment in class; make a list of the 5 things we were most grateful for. My answers were pretty common as I recall, along the lines of family. Quite a few kids actually wrote "I am thankful I am white." That astonished me. I had not included in my identity the fact that I am white. It just wasn't part of my concept. A wonderful discussion ensued in class about racial issues. I began thinking more about the topic again, remembering the images I saw as a young girl.
When I went to college I made friends with a widely diverse group. I was a complete flower child, full of hope for the future, protesting the war, demanding an end to nuclear weapons, demanding equal rights for women, demanding justice for everyone, and making friends with people quite different from those I had been associated with in high school. I read voraciously and watched the news every night. One of my best friends was a black student, a male black student. When my dad found out he hit the roof. I found that very disturbing, yet I loved my dad and didn't want to disappoint him. My friend understood that our friendship had to remain a classroom friendship. We didn't associate outside the classroom, not even in the student union. As I look back on that, I feel ashamed. He was my friend, and I feel as though I abandoned his friendship. (And when I say friend, I do mean FRIEND.....nothing else----I shouldn't even need to say that, but I know that some of you reading this will wonder!) (and why should that even matter to me???)
As time went on I became more vocal about my outlook on the world. I stood up more for my beliefs. I would debate more. (and I was EXTREMELY shy!) I more fully developed my belief that all of us, every single person on this planet, is deserving of respect just for being a human being. We all are born, we breathe, we bleed, we hurt, we feel, we cry, we laugh, we get angry, we get sad, we get happy, we love, we are all the same...............yet we are also so very different, unique. I believe that just by virtue of being alive we deserve shelter, food, water, clothing, health care.....all those things that keep us alive. Is that radical? If so, then call me a radical. I no longer care what labels others put on me. That's one of the wonderful things about aging.
The election of Barack Obama means so many things to me. I never thought I would see the day when a black person was elected to be president of the United States. I voted for him in the primary. People I love told me, "he'll never win because he's black. America isn't ready for a black president." I kept saying yes we can and yes we are. I saw in him the hope I felt with Bobby Kennedy and Dr. Martin Luther King. I saw in him a strength and leadership that doesn't come along very often. I saw an intelligence that was beyond that of most anyone I can think of.
I would get emails from people full of the hate-mongering and fear-mongering permeating our country. I would usually respond back with factual information, and implore them to seek out the truth. It probably didn't do any good, but I felt better for doing it.
When the announcement came Tuesday night that Barack Obama won, I was so full of joy and pride. I was happy my candidate won (which hasn't happened often!), but I was happier that our country got past the racial barrier! What a glorious time to be alive!
And I still, to this day, do not have as part of my concept of myself the fact that I am white. I don't consider it important.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
wtf?
Sheesh, I never remember to come here. The only reason I did now was due to reading the blog of somebody I work with. EGADS.....she can write!
I had knee surgery on June 4, still not back to normal....whatever that is. Off work for about 7 weeks and go back to a mess. Hardly anything was taken care of, other than the absolute vital stuff. Still trying to catch up. No light at the end of the tunnel yet.
The economy sux and am stuck in a dead-end job I hate.
But hey, got Tuesday off thanks to tropical storm Fay. Went down to the beach to check out the waves. It was great.
I had knee surgery on June 4, still not back to normal....whatever that is. Off work for about 7 weeks and go back to a mess. Hardly anything was taken care of, other than the absolute vital stuff. Still trying to catch up. No light at the end of the tunnel yet.
The economy sux and am stuck in a dead-end job I hate.
But hey, got Tuesday off thanks to tropical storm Fay. Went down to the beach to check out the waves. It was great.
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